ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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