i was born a porn star she said
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
