there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
