You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
