You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
