hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
