All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
