It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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