Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
