i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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