I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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