there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
