the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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