babies were throwing up all over the place
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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