Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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