New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize