I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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