I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
