me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's shark week go big or go home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
