The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
