Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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