dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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