thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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