honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
