I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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