so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
