Plan B is the new Plan A
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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