We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
