Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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