Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize