Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
