You made me cry and you don't even care
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
