Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
