I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
even my farts smell like vagina
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
