He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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