I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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