Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize