A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
