Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
