It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
