I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
