Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
