Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
