Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
