paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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