SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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