I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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