ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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