Just fell off a train. Bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
