He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
