It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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