I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
