Where is the hickey?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
