i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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