Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
