Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i have two assholes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
