do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
