Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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