Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
