Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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