My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
