The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
