So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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