he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
