I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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