True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
