felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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