he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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