Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize