I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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