i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
