I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize