I accidentally had phone sex last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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