epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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