i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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